Chapter Three (cont'd): Indecision?

(we rejoin our investigation into Indecision and its enabling traits)

Apathy

Apathy is the 500 pound gorilla of Indecision.  It holds this title for several reasons:

1. It can be practiced all the time whether you face a choice or not. This is a muscle that can get very big.  Think Eyeore.  That's a strong donkey.
2. It can be aided by diet.  Adding lots of sugar, lots of starch, just lots and lots of calories all the time (obesity is a big plus for apathy), a little heroine or THC and your apathy potential goes way up. (Putting on The Grateful Dead and Phish also helps.)
3. It often results in no action, even after a choice has been made - allowing that same decision to be recycled for further indecision.

We must distinguish of course between Apathetic Indecision and Apathy proper. ...on second thought I don't want to.  Why bother, right? Let's just say that Apathy can slow down the decision making process by forcing you to drag your faculties up out of the Xbox, slap them around a bit, shake them twice and then review the facts.  This can lengthen the Time Before Order, because one must remember what steak tar tar actually is and that you have to make a decision about it. Once ordered Apathy proper can be applied and you can pick at your food dolefully, wondering how anyone could have the gaul to put an uncooked hamburger patty in front of you and charge you $18.95 for it, thus negating the decision that finally did get made.

If our little dialogue had truly been one of apathy it would have gone like this:

     "What do you want to do?"

     "Roll over and die.  Go away and turn off the lights. ...and bring me some chips ...and the remote."

That's Apathy.

Apathetic Indecision is easiest of course if you are cultivating Apathy as a general coping mechanism.   Then, when you face any given decision, it's just practice. It can be tougher if you are building other more energetic skill sets like Anxiety and Cowardice.  If you want to check out Apathy and see if it's for you, try these helpful self-talk phrases:

SELF TALK TIPS

• "In four billion years the sun will swell up and die, and any life remaining on this rock will be obliterated.  What will this matter then?"
• "There is no God, meaning or purpose to the world - we are just biological automatons."
• "Who cares?"

Uncertainty

Not sure what to write here... (Ha! just kidding.) Uncertainty seems innocent enough, we all experience it in various forms every day.  It only becomes truly bedeviling when we dig into the root cause of this plant as cultivated by a Master.  A procrastinator's uncertainty derives not from a lack of information or an inherently unknowable situation (such as "Does this airline fly to Newark?" or "Will this brand of underwear bunch up my junk?"). It comes from the absolute belief that there is a right answer. One choice is correct, the other a stupid foible, for which you should be shot, despised and ridiculed (just the fact that you can't tell which is which casts grave doubts on your social standing).  This kind of Uncertainty can prolong even the most innocuous decisions into an expansive Present!

Do I want the steak tar tar or the pasta? The steak tar tar is supposed to be quite good here, but the waiter made a funny face the third time I asked him about it - like he knows something.  I really feel like pasta today, but my sister said the steak tar tar is really good and I don't want to waste the opportunity.  But I'm not sure about my sister's tastes - look at her boyfriend. I'll ask the waiter again and watch his face...

This is someone firmly ensconced in the NOW.

Interested in trying Uncertainty? Try this helpful self-talk.

SELF TALK TIPS

• "Is there something I haven't thought of here?"
• "Who here might be lying to me and why?"
• "I wish I were smarter."

Cowardice

Like Apathy, Cowardice is a broad, strong technique that can assist the procrastinator in many ways, indecision being just one.  Cowardice is distinct from fear, which is more situation specific.  Fear is perfectly natural when the potential for harm to our situation, reputation, loved ones or genitals presents itself.

Object specific fears such as the fear of snakes (ophidiophobia), the fear of dirty toilets (corprophobia), the fear of pointy sticks (aichmophobia, or consecotaleophobia if they are pointy chop sticks) or the fear of muggers with sharp knives (harpaxophobia - ...really? One can be irrationally afraid of a mugger with a knife? As opposed to what? just being rationally terrified by the mugger with a knife? It's a mugger with a knife for christ's sake! That shouldn't have a fancy phobia name.  You're supposed to be afraid of a mugger with a knife!  That's why he has the knife!),  fears like these don't help the aspiring procrastinator at all and should be avoided. Agoraphobia (the fear of going outside one's house) can be useful but often takes on the quality of catching a butterfly with a hand grenade - it will bring it down but it makes a mess of the yard, and it's tough to find the little bugger afterward. In general phobias are a bit much - the elegant procrastinator chooses more subtle means.

There are particular fears the procrastinator should cultivate, such as the fear of failing or of looking like a horses ass, which have broader application and will be discussed in later chapters. But Cowardice is something special.  Cowardice is the fear of being afraid. This fear builds on the feeling of certainty that one will not be able to handle one's fear - and so the feeling of fear becomes the focus of action rather than whatever is presenting as fearsome at the time.  When Winston Churchill said "we have nothing to fear but fear itself!" he knew who he was talking to - a nation of cowards. (In their defense, any people that can just sit there for nine months getting the crap bombed out of them and still make afternoon tea gets a kudo from me.)

There is very good reason to be afraid of fear.  It is, after all, scary.

We most often think of cowardice in association with physical danger and running away from it - especially when others or small animals need help. But real cowardice shows itself in a much broader array of situations and we really see it catch its stride when fleeing from the truly frightening things.  Things like Intimacy, Accountability, Commitment, Hard Work, Love, and of course Success.

...and we wonder why the divorce rate is over 50%.

If you think Cowardice might be for you, try out this helpful self talk.

SELF TALK TIPS

• "In what way is this person/place/situation similar to the worst thing that has ever happened to me?"
• "Am I afraid yet?"
• "You can catch syphilis from sitting on that." (surprisingly broad applications)

Remember! Cowardice is a big, wild horse, so don't be  surprised if it throws you to the ground and stomps on you. That's what it's for. Cowardice is not for the timid!

Is Indecision For You?

Don't decide right away...  I think that goes without saying, don't you? Try to wean yourself off of decisive and conclusive statements and actions. Try following these simple steps to see if Indecision is right for you:

1. Cultivate your weakness.  The next time you find yourself hanging between "yes" and "no" feel into that muddle and see if you can identify Ambivalence, Indifference, Apathy, Uncertainty or Cowardice.  Once you've identified your weakness begin to worry about it  incessantly. Notice how it colors every choice, however slightly.  Watch it bloom.
2. For God's sake don't have a plan.  I can't stress this enough. If you think out your sequence of actions ahead of time you will have to muster the strength to use Avoidance, Dissociation and Resignation all on their own.  This can be taxing and sometimees leads to getting things done inadvertently.  If you must plan, see The To Do List: Task Mismanagement (future chapter) for clues on how to write unachievable project plans and undoable action items.
3. Try looking at things from everyone else's point of view.  This very positive trait can be over cultivated to obstructive and entangling degrees.  The upside is there is a lot of Social Cover here, as it is hard to knock someone who is being so thoughtful and considerate - even though you might want to knock them very hard indeed.
4. Get philosophical.  This is annoying but can work. You do blow your Social Cover, as this is almost universally despised and you must, in some circumstances, smoke a pipe.  But in a pinch, wondering about 'who it is that actually decides,' or the teleological roots of choice will get the ball rolling.
5. Try too hard.  This one is the big easy.  You don't really know how to be indecisive, do you? Roll with that.

"At it's heart Indecision isn't so much the avoidance of a choice but the embrace of it.  It means really experiencing the nature of choice and not letting go of that for as long as you can. Embracing choice. That's freedom, man."

- Maharishi Gus Stukowski